Maybe it's a cliché, but if I can transform myself as a puppy FLEXX then I can let myself go. I have great friends around me. I can talk openly about this with many of them. Sometimes they are curious and others are fine with it but don't need to know everything..."
I discovered my fetish through the film: Soldier of Orange. (Oops, I've never told this story to anyone). Men who went to play in the film were shaved before that. A photo was taken that appeared in the newspaper. That image excited me so much. That was the first discovery of my fetish for me…” Much later I did that myself, shaved men bald and had myself shaved bald; that's the excitement for me. But I have also had all kinds of other hairstyles and now a so-called “bowlcut”…
Ik ben een DL-er. Een Diaper Lover’. Ik spreek hier niet openlijk over. Naar de buitenwereld heb ik dit nog maar één keer uitgesproken. Er zit een groot taboe op. Daarom durf ik het niet tegen mijn vrienden te vertellen. Ik ben bang voor foute reacties en dat ze me niet begrijpen. Het is ooit begonnen met een date die wilde dat ik een luier zou dragen. Dat wond me enorm op. Dat was de eerste keer dat ik er mee in aanraking kwam. Voor mij begon toen de zoektocht om meer te ontdekken wat het voor mij betekent...
There I am in front of my wardrobe. I open the closet door and see my entire collection of Lycra clothing and Speedo pants. I throw some clothes on my bed to see what I will wear for the day. I am excited today and feel like wearing my Lycra all day long.."
How did I get a white underwear fetish? As an 8-year-old I already looked in the Wehkamp guide to the pages with men in underpants. And then those models were often in white underpants. I cut out the pictures and pasted them in a scrapbook. I hid that secret collection in a suitcase under my bed. That became my inspiration that I often jerked off to later on. In the 80s I watched a lot of gay porn where men wore white underpants. But later I noticed that I also find cycling shorts, sports shorts, swimming trunks and jockstraps exciting. But always white. I don't always care about the model, as long as it's white. White has something for me… 'fetishizing'. Have I discovered a new verb? I like to be seen wearing only underpants, socks and sneakers. Fortunately, there are some parties for that in various clubs here in Amsterdam. Dancing in my white underwear and exhibitionism is therefore a good combination for me..."
I was fascinated… 15 years ago, at the bar in the Pullermanns, gay cruising bar. He on the side of the toilets and darkroom, full of leather and a tough look in his eyes. I'm wearing a Polo, Army pants and work shoes. He pulled a fat cigar from his breast pocket. Grabbed it between his fingers, sucked at it and lit it. I just kept watching as if in slow motion. I saw the beautiful smoke. I smelled the smell of his cigar. For me, this was all about masculinity. I thought he was super cool. I felt like a little man to him. I was impressed, I did not dare to address him. At the time I was still afraid to reveal my fetish. I wanted to fit into the perfect picture. House, tree, animal. A cigar fetish does not fit into that. I was insecure, very insecure. Now I post pictures of myself with cigar on social. I want to be myself. I want to discover my fetish and do things I like. I'm tired of doing things the way others want me to do. I discovered many more men with a cigar fetish online. I have gained a lot of followers lately and have come into contact with other men with whom I can share my desire. I've even gotten fans or admirers if you want to call it that. When I see this photo I am now that man from 15 years ago in the Pullermanns bar…”
He took off his shoes and swung his right leg over his left knee. His foot came very close. If I wanted I could just touch his foot. I had to look at his foot, my eyes stared incessantly. 'What a beautiful foot' I thought I just kept looking and felt myself getting excited So close and I wanted to touch them I just experience watching. I didn't have it anymore. What was I supposed to do? Suddenly I realized he was looking at me! How embarrassing and how should I react..."